Panic Attack


Panic Attack

Panic is a moment, an affect, a condition. Panic is at once objective and subjective condition. Panic establishes an order of continuity where the difference between inside and outside is obliterated. The horror – the obliteration of the boundary between inside and outside. The affect of the Boundary reveals the boundary and thus the boundary is obliterated. The boundary is possessed by a force. The rupture of time becomes a rupture of the ‘inner sense’, a rupture of ‘subjectivity’. The paralysis of reflection, of ‘one’s self’, reveals ‘one’s self’ as a lapsing into the infinite moment of selfness. The self becomes Legion.

When I was young I went alone

into the dead of night;

my hair was thick

and touched the ground.

Night was everywhere

and oh it was lonely,

wanting friends

and wanting a self.

I set my hair on fire,

threw the bits in a ring around me;

I burned my fields and trees

and things felt better.

Arson in Khlebnikov Acres!

Burning ego flickered in the dark.

Now I depart

with flaming hair,

not as I, but WE —

(Velimir Khlebnikov, 1921/2, translated by Paul Schmidt)